Internationally acclaimed singer, songwriter and violinist Jean Watson gets strikingly vulnerable on her 13th album, When I Was Fearless. What began as a lighthearted coffee-shop conversation about the boldness of youth eventually forced Watson to confront a much more painful realization: years of trauma, loss and disappointment had slowly chipped away at the fearless trust in God she once possessed.
Produced by Grammy winner Jonathan Crone, the deeply personal collection finds Watson processing those wounds through music while rediscovering the love of God at the heart of Ephesians 3. The stylistically adventurous album also brings some notable guests into that journey, including legendary Grammy and Dove Award winner Russ Taff and Watson's daughter, indie artist Kat Wells. In our interview, Watson opens up about the painful experiences behind the record, why she refused to "whitewash" her struggles, what recording with Taff and her daughter meant to her, and how she is learning that biblical fearlessness isn't about trying harder but trusting more deeply in God's love.
Q: When I Was Fearless is such a deeply personal title. Can you take us back to that coffee shop conversation where the idea was born, and explain how it eventually became the heart of this album?
I was having coffee with a friend reminiscing about our younger days. We were laughing about how, as children and young adults, we thought we could do anything we set our minds to! We took big risks and believed whole-heartedly that God had an amazing plan for our lives. As I reflected on those younger years, I said "that was when I was fearless." My observation made us laugh, but the truth of the words kind of stung at the same time. I said, "I think there's a song in that somewhere," and so there was!
During the year that followed, I reflected upon the words I had spoken. Sadly, I realized that pain and disappointment had been slowly eroding the childlike trust in God that I once knew. I had faced several major traumas in recent years and found myself pulling away from the Lord and no longer trusting Him so fearlessly. To process all this pain, I began to sit at the piano every day and just play. I wasn't trying to write songs, but as I played, words and melodies began to flow.
Before long, I had a collection of songs that expressed what my heart had never been able to say. The songs were brutally honest, exposing my deepest longings and fears. I didn't try to whitewash anything! As I listened to them, I thought perhaps this music could bring healing to others as it was doing for me. So, when I had enough "finished" song ideas, I sent them to my producer, Jonathan Crone, and we began the process of bringing these musical ideas to life.
Q: You write candidly about disappointment, pain, and losing the fearless trust you once had. What was the hardest part of turning those personal struggles into songs that the whole world would hear?
First, it was hard to do the work of writing. I think some people think that great songs just "drop from heaven" and are easy to write. Yes, occasionally a song will kind of "write itself" but usually that's not the case. For me, a great song takes time and discipline. I'm not a terribly disciplined person, so I really had to commit to putting in the time to craft the words, the music and the structure of each song until they seemed "right." The other challenge was deciding to record these very personal songs. In recording them, I was going to be inviting listeners into some very vulnerable places in my heart. But now that I hear feedback about how listeners have been blessed by the album, I'm so glad I did!
Q: This album features special collaborations with Russ Taff and your daughter, Kat Wells. What did those two very different duets mean to you personally, and how did each one shape the project?
My husband and I saw Russ Taff perform "Isn't the Name" in concert a few years ago. Russ sang the song with such tenderness and emotion that I was wrecked! The whole audience was wrecked! It was obvious that Russ believed every word he was singing and was so grateful for the love of Jesus. I went home and listened to it over and over and was always immediately drawn into worship. So, when we needed one more song to finish a full album, I knew "Isn't the Name" was the one! We considered different duet partners for the recording, but Jonathan felt that Russ was the obvious choice. Fortunately, Russ agreed to sing, and though our voices couldn't be more different, I love how it turned out!
"Pie Jesu" by Andrew Lloyd Webber was another bucket list song for me. I had taught the song to vocal students many times over the years, and my daughter Kat always loved hearing it. Even when she was only eleven or twelve, we would have fun singing it together in the living room. So, when I decided to record it for the album, I always pictured her voice with mine. In the end, I think our voices complement each other well. They are similar yet very distinct. It was so much fun to have her in the studio with me!
Q: Ephesians 3 is woven throughout When I Was Fearless. How has that passage transformed your understanding of what biblical fearlessness really looks like as you've grown in your faith?
To me, biblical fearlessness only comes from knowing the love of God more and trusting his purposes for us.Paul prays in Ephesians 3:16-19, "that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height- to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
I believe most children naturally have a fearless trust in the love of God. But as we grow older, that trust is challenged when life doesn't go the way we hoped it would. For me, the road back to fearlessness has been asking the Father to strengthen me with might through His Spirit that I might know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge and be filled with all the fullness of God. Yes, the Lord has good plans for me! But those plans will be realized, not as I try harder, but as learn to trust his love and allow his spirit to work through me.
Q: You've had a remarkable career as a singer, songwriter, violinist, and member of the Kalamazoo Symphony Orchestra. How have those different musical worlds influenced the sound and artistry of this album?
Great question! This is my thirteenth album, so at this stage in my career, I feel very free to create whatever I want regardless of what people think. That's why When I Was Fearless is so diverse, stylistically. You can hear Celtic mandolin, fiddle, and pipes in some of the songs which reflects my love for Ireland. Tyler Smith added some gorgeous string accompaniments to several others which is a nod to my classical symphonic background. Then there's "Illuminate" which features my voice and violin soaring over an electronic backdrop. There's no explanation for that except that I love it and it was just plain fun to record! Regardless of how different each song is, they are all expressions of who I am, musically.
Q: You say your hope is that listeners will rediscover the fearless joy of being God's children. If someone listening to this album is carrying deep disappointment or fear today, what do you hope they will hear God saying to them through these songs?
Ah, that's easy. I'll just quote the lyrics of the title track, "When I Was Fearless": Adored, my darling, you're adoredI never kept score Adored, my darling, you're adoredYou've always been mine, and I'll always be yours. May we all come to know the Lord's love more and more each day until we see Him face to face.
To stream or purchase the When I Was Fearless project, click here. To watch the "Dust in the Wind" video, click here. To watch the "Illuminate the Corners of My Mind" lyric video, click here. Follow Jean Watson on Facebook. For more information about Jean Watson, visit jeanwatson.com.
