Alexander Pappas helped give a generation its anthems of freedom and joy, but criticism of those songs stayed with him long after their release. In this candid interview, the worship leader and songwriter behind "Alive" and "Wake" discusses the pressure to deliver flawless performances, the disappointment he experienced amid Hillsong's upheaval, and why he remains committed to the church. Discussing HINDSIGHT, his collaborative album with The Lofi Christian, Pappas also reflects on a devastating year of personal losses-and the daily pursuit of God's presence that changed his understanding of success.
Q: Let's start from the beginning. How did you start your journey as a worship leader and songwriter for Hillsong Young & Free?
A: Like many young teenagers in the 2000s who owned an electric guitar, listening to bands like Relient K, Switchfoot, Underoath and the like, I was convinced I was capable of doing something significant. The two worlds I loved were leading worship at my local youth group and playing guitar and writing songs for my various unsuccessful rock bands. I was convinced these two worlds would never coexist despite numerous encouragements from friends and mentors that they, in fact, should.
Fast-forward a few years: I've studied at Hillsong College and have been a volunteer for a number of years as a musician and worship leader in various ministries at our church, and yet I was still convinced Hillsong had plenty of talented songwriters and worship leaders. Why on earth would they need me?
One morning in 2011, I sensed the Lord asking me if I'd lay all those dreams down to follow Him. Quietly that morning, I prayed and offered those dreams on the altar. It wasn't long after that the Lord opened doors I never even considered possible. The worlds I dreamed of collided, and soon after, songs like "Alive" and "Wake," plus a fair few duds, were born.
Q: Looking back on your Hillsong Young & Free days, what did that season teach you about worship and songwriting-and what pressures came with helping lead a movement watched by so many people?
A: Candidly, I bore the weight of this following criticism for a long time, and a lingering feeling that we should have dug deeper: "Y&F songs are shallow, they lack depth, etc., etc., etc." Ten-plus years on, I've only just dealt with such critiques. At the ages of 17-22, we didn't fully know the depths of what it meant to follow Jesus-the highest of highs or the lowest of lows. We just knew that we loved Jesus, we had experienced His grace and received His love, and we wanted to sing about it.
If I tried to write those early songs today, I wouldn't. I probably couldn't. I would insert my 2026 revelations of Scripture and of His character, and while that might be good today, those songs served an incredibly unique purpose as anthems of freedom and joy for that generation. So today, I wouldn't change a thing. And so the lesson I've learned is: bring your best and bring what's honest.
Q: How has your understanding of success changed since those years? Are there things you once valued as a worship artist that matter less to you now?
A: I once valued perfection. I valued "nailing it" 100% of the time, every time. Because we are meant to bring Jesus our best, so that should mean distraction-free, flawless, pitch-perfect moments, right? I used to say, "If I didn't give 10/10, it's a 0/10." What a toxic way to live!
I don't seek perfection anymore. I seek His presence above all else, and I have written Matthew 6:33 on my heart. Seek first the Kingdom. Success now is laying my head on my pillow at the end of each day and knowing I lived that to be true. All other measures of success are a bonus when this is true, and they are empty margins when it's not.
Q: Hillsong went through a major shift a few years ago. How did it affect you personally, and did it change how you think about spiritual leadership, accountability, or the relationship between your faith and a church institution?
A: Speaking from my personal experience, I'll share this: the disappointment and hurt that I felt somehow taught me to love the bride of Christ more than ever before, helping me see her the way that Christ sees her. Our leaders that succeed or fall don't represent Christ in this analogy. They are members of the flawed, broken body that make up the bride, and still Jesus loves the bride, fights for the bride, and she is still the very thing He is coming back for.
And I maintain that on her worst day, the CHURCH is the greatest organization on the earth. Is she flawed? Is she at times broken? Absolutely, but if Jesus keeps pursuing her, then so shall I work to help better her. It's so easy to be jaded and cynical. It's hard to be hurt, let down, disappointed and wronged but still pray and fast for those that wounded us. And I think that Jesus is more impressed by the latter.
In Acts 9:4, Jesus doesn't ask Saul why he is persecuting His people, but asks, "Why are you persecuting ME?" Do we need more accountability within our leadership? I can't speak for all ministries, but most likely, a resounding yes. I hope that we have the ability to see, even when things go awry, that it was God's goodness and mercy all along, not because of us. His goodness and His presence keep showing up in spite of us.
Q: Your new album with The Lofi Christian is called HINDSIGHT. What experience best explains that title, and what can you see clearly now that you could not understand while living through it?
A: I love that this record is really a collection of works from the last 13 years of my ministry. It moved me deeply that the incredible group of guys at The Lofi Christian would want to partner with me for such a project. I also feel like, simultaneously, this project is the benchmark as the start of something new God wants to do, not just in my life, but I suspect in His bride and on the earth. Hindsight regarding His faithfulness is evidence of that.
2022 was the hardest year of my life. I suffered disappointment, financial struggles, heartbreak, personal health issues, loss of friends, the death of loved ones, and the list goes on-not exaggerating. There was a rubber-hit-the-road moment that year that I committed myself to being in His presence daily. I haven't missed a day in His Word since. And I dare not say that to boast in myself. I say it to boast in the miraculous power of His presence that can change anything, but specifically change my perspective.
I sensed Jesus asking me along the way if I'd trade our intimacy in exchange for Him taking away all the hurt. With confidence, with perspective and hindsight, the answer was a resounding: I wouldn't trade the world for Jesus.
Q: If there is a song on HINDSIGHT that best expresses your faith now, which would it be? And why?
A: Outside of the banging on I've already done about "Hindsight," the song that best expresses my faith today would be "It Is So Sweet." I suspect I am not alone as a veteran Christian feeling like I should have it all figured out by now. I should know how to handle my anxiety, my stress, my daily burdens. "God, I thought You said this yoke would be EASY and burdens LIGHT!"
The beauty of walking with Jesus is in us choosing to walk with Him, to daily put on the yoke He offers as a partner for the journey. I'm the one who starts my day walking without Him. I'm the one who tries to handle my problems on my own. The greatest revelation I've had in my faith is experiencing the incredible power of His presence when I simply invite Him into the situation.
And maturity in faith is learning to invite Him in even before the trouble comes. But hey, this whole faith thing is forever a "getting there" type walk. I don't suspect we ever graduate with faith, and that's good because I have found it keeps getting sweeter.
Listen to HINDSIGHT on Apple Music and explore more music at Alexander Pappas' official website.
