Dwight Howard came into the NBA wanting to change the league for Jesus. More than two decades later, the basketball superstar is admitting that fame, women, temptation and relentless public scrutiny made that mission far messier than the 18-year-old version of himself ever imagined.
In a remarkably candid appearance on Lecrae's Deep End, Howard opened up about the collision between his very public Christian faith and the temptations that arrived almost immediately after he became the No. 1 overall NBA draft pick. The conversation, which premiered Aug. 14, goes far beyond basketball, touching on fatherhood, relationships, criticism, ego and Howard's belief that God preserved him for a purpose beyond the court.
And Howard certainly didn't dodge the uncomfortable part of his story.
"I did have a taste for women," he admitted while remembering what it was like to suddenly enter the NBA at 18. "What do I do? Like, I'm 18. Like, yeah, they throwing it at you."
Howard said that becoming outspoken about his Christian faith also made him feel as though he had immediately placed "a target" on himself. Suddenly, every mistake appeared to carry extra weight because he had publicly identified himself with Christianity.
That tension - Christian testimony on one side, celebrity temptation on the other - became one of the most revealing themes of the interview.
Howard recalled questioning whether some of his choices represented outright rebellion or simply a young man trying to experience a life he had never known. At one point, he wrestled with whether his behavior meant his faith was somehow fraudulent, insisting that his failures did not mean he stopped believing in God.
The conversation became even more personal when Lecrae brought up Howard's complicated family history, including the fact that he has five children with five different mothers. Howard later explained that becoming a father has changed the way he looks at his past, with his children now becoming, in a sense, younger versions of himself whom he can warn about mistakes he made.
But Howard's biggest confession may have been spiritual rather than romantic.
The former Orlando Magic superstar admitted there were seasons when he wondered where God had gone. Amid injuries, trades, criticism and controversy, Howard said he sometimes felt abandoned and questioned why he was enduring so much publicly.
Yet the retired NBA star now interprets those years very differently.
Howard told Lecrae that he eventually realized he could not escape being an example - even when being the example meant allowing people to see what not to do. After a two-decade NBA career and eventual Hall of Fame recognition, he believes there was a reason he survived the highs, humiliations and controversies.
"I feel like God kept me throughout all of this so I can come back and minister, be what he's called me to be," Howard said. He recalled believing even before entering the NBA that God had called him to "preach my word in the NBA."
Howard also pushed back against the squeaky-clean "Superman" image that followed him throughout his career. Behind the spectacular dunks and enormous personality, he said, was a young man struggling with expectations, pride and the feeling that he had to prove himself constantly.
That pressure even affected his body. Howard recalled playing through a torn labrum while feeling he needed to prove that "Superman" was still the biggest and strongest player on the floor. Looking back, he believes pride and ego helped drive him into the ground.
The interview also addressed Howard's frustration with years of rumors, lawsuits and accusations surrounding his private life. He maintained that some stories circulated about him were false and said he eventually learned that responding publicly could make matters worse.
Interestingly, some viewers still felt Lecrae and Howard left an "elephant in the room" untouched. One commenter specifically wished the interview had gone deeper into how Howard's admitted weakness for women affected his spiritual life, while another simply wrote, "The elephant in the room was not addressed."
But Howard saved perhaps his most striking statement for the very end.
Addressing Christians directly, the basketball legend offered an apology for any way his highly publicized life may have reflected badly on the faith he professed.
"Body of Christ, I apologize if I ever did anything, anything to misrepresent God, Jesus in the wrong way," Howard said. "I apologize and I stand here free."
For a player once nicknamed "Superman," Howard's latest message is surprisingly unsuperhero-like: he fell, made mistakes, wrestled with his faith and now believes those failures can become part of his ministry.
The teenager who entered the NBA talking about changing the league for Jesus clearly didn't take the journey he expected.
But Howard appears convinced the story isn't finished yet.
